


Hush

by Keassa



Category: None - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, I try to take my own life, My own Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:27:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 29
Words: 16,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26173456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keassa/pseuds/Keassa
Kudos: 1





	1. Prologue

To call this my Prologue seems odd yet, how else should I put it this is before now so why not?  
Let me start off by saying this is my own story, not some thing I made up, I am writing down this as well me Deedra Hartery, there it is, that is me, let me take it from there.  
To say this story is the same as Alice, and her descent in to the rabbit hole, is true, now pay close attention, this tale is about to be very bumpy, not a happy tale, no happy ending, not for me, I gave up that idea with my youth, next to the rape at a very young age, no one came to save me, no one cares. Maybe I am mad rape does that, perhaps this is just my mind saving what is left, maybe, perhaps, you chose, you are the one reading this tale, mad, truth, you decided, I will leave that to you.  
I will tell you things as I recall them if I do not recall what happened then I will have no memory, I will not add what I do not recall, to make it a better tale, I shell tell as I remember things.  
Now keep up. I am starting my story, my tale, no happy ending yet, I gave up hope, so do not hope either, like me you will be upset, so now you have been warned, if you are reading my tale in hopes of a happy ever after, there is not, so stop reading now.  
Why call my own story about my own life Hush?  
Simple I feel as though I been made to be silent my whole life, for a Family that as my Mother tells me all the time hates me any way, I am done trying to be perfect, I am done keeping Hush.


	2. Chapter One

Let me start you from as far back as I can recall, and take you down the madness from there, not the happy memories, that happened before the abuse, the ones I keep in my mind to keep my own madness at back, yet I will tell you the abuse that drove me there.  
I was as the outside world would see me, and my family, happy, luck, rick.  
Truth not happy, no luck, well off.  
I had a father, who I very much love, he was all ways a good father, never raised his voice or his hand, he all ways listened to me, read me books ever night that he was home from work, my father normally was at work because he was paying for everything. I do not blame him for what was done to me, I blame those who did it.  
A mother, my mother who I slowly began to hate more and more, I tried to love her, she is my mother, no matter what I did it was all ways wrong. I was never good enough.  
My three half sisters my mother three daughters, then my full sister, my full brother, my older adopted brother, I am the youngest.  
I was only four-years-old, when my father had gotten the farm house, he had bought the farm in Dunnville a very hard to find little town, the property was a dream, back from the main road, a very long drive, brushes a long the drive way, upon the house the brush just stops on the left showing off the house, barn, both very old, along the right side the brush keeps going along the drive way all the way to the woods that we owned as well.  
The house was two floors, on the main floor, the mains doors faced away from the main high way, while the back door faced towards the highway, I am ways thought who ever built the house built it backward, the backdoor which lead no where due to being walled off, the door opened, but lead to a wall, I found this odd as well. The main door which had stone steps, lead into a large hallway with a coat rack, a small tunnel where the was a down stairs wash room, down a set of wooden stars was the old furnace, next to the hallway was another red brick building with a separate door way leading to it, the wooden floor you could pick up and put down again, there was at least three feet between the ground which was dirt and the wooden floor, this as well I thought odd, but no were as odd as the door that went no where, on the left side of the main doors was an open entrance that lead in to a huge kitchen, huge windows lighting up the kitchen, next to the kitchen was the living room, then the dinning room on the opposite of the dining wall was that back door that when no where, on the left side of the room was the stairs that went upstairs next to the stairs was a very small room, up the stairs was two huge rooms on each side of the top landing, down the hall on the right was a huge washroom with a tub, and another smaller room next to it, on the left of the hall was two more rooms.  
I had chosen the far room on the right, the far from the stair, I was so happy with the room, there was more then enough room in the room, I could make the room all my own, what more could a youth hope for. Well for every thing to stay happy, for starts which it did not.


	3. Chapter Two

Are you ready to dive in to the Rabbit Hole with me, I am not, hurts to much to remember.  
My happy ended far to soon. I seen these dark things, I was just over the age of four-year-old when seen what ever they were, I cannot call them any thing else they had no shape just darkness. I seen them for the first time during the night, I know it was night, and so very dark, but that did not change that I seen this darker things, I felt their evil, and I preyed for the God of light to save me, after seeing, and feeling pure evil, how could I not believe in the God of Light, the Christin God of Light did not care enough to save me, like every one else he does not care about me.  
What should have been my closed bed room door, was oddly open, I always sleep with my door closed so how was it now open, I watched those things in fear, unable to close my eyes. The darkness moved down the hall, out of my view. I do not know when I fell a sleep once more or how. Another odd thing about that night, I was in my room yet I could clearly see every thing as though I was in the bed of the room that was right next to the master bed room, I fell a sleep in my room, door closed, yet it was open, and I was in the wrong room as well, when I woke the next day I was in my bed, which was not near the door, so I could not see in to the hall, yet out the window, which I grew to count on any light during the darkest time, my door was closed as I always had it as well, the whole thing was very odd, as though some one had been trying to show me some thing, and no one not even the one God, of light was going to save me from the dark.  
I told my mother thinking this a good idea, she told me, to get the wooden spoon so she could hit me with the spoon her self, I did not think she had meant it when she had said that to me, she took out the spoon beating me hard as she could with it, telling me as she did so that I was to blame for her actions if I gotten her the wooden spoon as she had told me beating would have been less, this was the first beating of many to come from my own mother.


	4. Chapter Three

I do not recall which morning this had happened on, just that it had happened on a morning, my brother told my mother what he had seen that night he had seen the same dark things I had, my mother told my brother he better not tell any one else, or every one would think he was crazy, so to just keep his mouth shut. And it was not real.  
When it had been just my brother and I, I told him I seen the same dark things, he got mad at me telling me it was only a dream.  
I swear I heard a man tell me in my head it was use less, and not to bother my brother would not listen or care about what I said or thought, that he would only believe my mother, and I was wasting my time talking to him, I was close to my brother, I miss my best friend, which the longer we live there the less he was.  
I want to prove it was not a lie, my brother just get so mad as did my mother. I started to go to the church in the town, but it made me feel more a lone like no one love or care for me, I went every Sunday, no mater the hate I felt towards me. I want so badly to be save. I told every one about what my mother did to me, my mother beat me over every thing, and what my half older sister did my sister raped me, and no one stopped her, I felt the voice in my head was right, and no one care nor love me, and no matter what I did no one would save me, even if I tried to save me. And God I tried to save me from the first time I seen these dark things.


	5. Chapter Four

Un less you been rape you have no idea the true long lasting mad ness that single word can stand for.  
The first time of to many time I been rape I was only four years old, my older half sister who did it is name Katherine, she is ten years older then I am, so that would put her at fourteen year old when she had done that to me, I told my mother, and she use that as well as a reason to beat me more, stupid little girl I was thought, if I told my mother she would stop it, yet my mother did nothing, well she beat me really bad after that, that was my mother's idea of fixing the problem.  
As the ill in the head my older sister Katherine is, she use that as her own reason to keep raping me.  
Like mother like daughter, how sad for me this was to true.  
At least the voice in my head was there for me in his own odd way, he try right?  
Now here is another hard to go over how my half sister Katherine rape me.  
Katherine would take me out of my own bed where I fallen a sleep, take me to her own room, put me in to her bed, make me open my legs, and force her fingers up my crouch, she always enjoy hurting me as much as she could, she is sick like that.  
I told every one, my own mother gone around correcting my story as she told me her self she had done, tell me she told every one I was just jealous of my older sister, and I was making up lies, and stories, I was un well, and seeing a Doctor for help.  
I never saw a Doctor about my rape, that was a lie, my mother did not want me to been seen by a Doctor, she knew if I did that the Doctor would tell every one I was telling the truth, and I was being rape.  
And where would my mother be with out me around to beat over every little thing.  
So I was not going any where, the rape by my half sister Katherine got worst, and my mother's beating did as well, after a while I just stop feeling pain.  
I laugh at my own mother during one of her beating of me asking her if that is all she has, she hit me with the wooden spoon, she like to beat me with, so hard it broke, I told her, if she was done beating me now I have better thing to do, un less she wants me to get a new beating me spoon, but that would mean I would have to go in to town, where I will been seen, and I will be taken from her, where that would leave her with out me around to knock around, she cannot have that now can she.  
She beat me with her hand in stead, being with out her beating spoon did not stop her.  
My sister Kathrine admit to me, mother been paying Kathrine to rape me as if that make her not the problem, Kathrine still rape, that is who she.


	6. Chapter Five

The first time I died, I do not think I can really die. The first time had died, I was all most five-years-old, I was help my oldest half sister Christine, put the horse in the barn, I love, and felt safer in the barn, then any where else, and that never change, no matter how long I lived on the farm with my family, that did not change, it was a very old barn with a lot of open space, a lot of possibilities.  
When I was helping my sister put a way the horses, I hit the horse I remember that, the horse kicked me in my chest, and I passed out, for a long time all I re call is being kicked, and waking again, in a now empty water trough, that I found odd it had water in it, and how hard I was kicked, I should have gone straight back, not land at the side of the barn, in the trough that was next to the barn, it did not make sense to me, I thought about it again, and again.  
How did I do that?  
I remember some thing, some one, seems wrong, so I will call it some thing for the moment, pulling me in to my body, as though it was mad about it, it felt like a hand had a hold of my soul, and pulled me in to my body once more, I hurt a lot to have that happen, I had no idea where I was at first, I was un able to move, I felt as though my body was mending it self together again, like I was waiting for my body to turn it self on.  
When I was able to move my body, I still could not hear, or see, but I was able to move, I pulled my self out of the trough, I knew an older man, well this man was older then I was then, was in my mind telling me what to do, I listened to the now forever male voice in my head, he told me where to go, after I got my self out of the trough, still un able to see, or hear, I could move so I did, the man was so pushy, telling me right a way what to do, I got me to where he told me to go, crawling on the ground, I got me to the fence, where he told me to go, I could not see still, I got my tiny body under the fence, and I stood up when he told me to, walking in the direction he had told me to go, I hate the fact I was blind, he told me I would have far better sight, as soon as it came back, and it would, he got me to where my mother, had been sitting out side at the table, my mother asked what was wrong, he had taken over, my voice his words, I hate it when he does that, I was dizzy, ill, my head hurt some thing bad, my sight was now finally coming back, him in my voice had told my mother, that I had gotten kicked by the horse while helping my sister Christine.  
My mother had told me to sit, and wait there until I felt better, the only reason my mother was being nice to me, was because another woman was there talking with her, other wise I am sure my mother would have beaten me, as she normally would, but we had a guest, so my mother had to be nice to me, so I sat down, even though I really could not see yet, I knew where to sit.  
The man was not wrong, my sight did come back, with a lot of things I could not do before, like see in the dark, as though it is day, and not night, I can see very well at lone distance as well.  
When he is not in my head talking to me, I can hear really well all so.  
I know I got in to Good, and Evil, who is who, because I want to know who I am.


	7. Chapter Six

I dream only a dream once, so from what I have read, and learned these are not messages in a dream, nothing I need to learn about, no messages, I know what they are not, but still all this time later I do not know what they are.  
When I was reading about dreams, and messages the male voice in my head was very loud in my head telling me I was wrong, and they were not massages at all, it is hard to think when he does that.  
I knew I was going down to hell every dream.  
Why was a little girl who goes to church every Sunday do so wrong to have that happen, I was not evil, I followed Christian Gods law. So why?  
Every one talks about Gods love, and the feeling of love of guardian Angles.  
Why them, and not me?  
In my dreams, an older man comes me to take me down, he all ways takes me in an elevator, how lazy is this man, to never take the stairs when ever he comes to take me down to hell with him, and he is different then the man who is the voice in my head, I all ways know it is the same the same older man to take me down, when I wake again, I do not recall what he looks like, just I know it is him, and he is an older man, but that is it, so when I am told to write down my dream right a way how can I when I remember so little of what happened, every one is so busy not listening to me when I tell them what happened, so fast to talk about what they know nothing about, and it is not only the male voice in my head that gets mad, and it is one of the times the voice, and I agree, it is rear, but I was not all ways fighting with him, telling him how I work, and if he does not like my rules he can get out of my head already, he is still there fighting with me, I think if he left my head I would be lonely, I think he is as lonely as me, and this is why he got in my head to start, he is as lonely as me.  
One of my sort of re called dreams where I went to hell, in the elevator as all way, lazy really. The older man, who is not the voice in my head, had been on the opposite side of the bedroom door as I opened it, I felt evil on the other side of the door, but I could not ever stop my self from walking thought the door, I had no control of me at that moment, yes I knew there was evil on the other side of the door, and I was scared to open the door, but un able to stop my self from opening the door, the older man nods his head at me as he takes me down to hell in the elevator, I get in next to him, and he is quit as all way as we go down to hell, and I just know it is hell, he opens the door after he gets me to my floor, I move with out moving out of the elevator, I look around, and there is a never ending green fields, and blue sky, not heaven, it is hell, I feel evil, I hear him telling me he is sorry, I look over my shoulder, and he is gone, I am told not to worry, my guardian will be there soon, I watch as a Hell Hound walks up behind me, he becomes smaller as he gets closer to me, now no more he size of a normal size dog, it is very odd, then I wake up, back in my bed.


	8. chapter Seven

It is winter, I am only going on to my Five-years-old, with this life that no child should ever have, my morning starts with my self, and my Brother un hooking the pipe, that leads in to the Water Well, take it in side, un freeze the pipe, then my self, and my Brother hooks the pipe back in the Water Well, I have to hold my Brother by his feet, well he does both every morning, that is all my Brother helps me with, every thing else I do my self, this is a normal morning for me now, I get the food, and water for the dogs, cats, and horses, I get the water from the frozen pond, after all it is closer, and winter, so it is very cold out, I brake the ice on the pond so it is there for the animals, who need the water, I let out the horses from the barn, so they can get their much need run, run the dogs, my dogs spend their run with me while I am out side, thirty minutes working with my Bow, thirty minutes of working with my sword, I clean, and put a way my weapons, yes we have permute for these weapons, my father made sure to have a permute for every thing, another reason I love my father, is it odd I enjoy these moments, I am now Blue Fox Kennels, thank you my Daddy for that as well, I had to make sure every thing is perfect now, my Father ship in all of my animals for me, from Europe, so I can start the breed in Canada, the breed had to be in Canada for three Generations, before the breed could be register, as a Canada breed, I was breeding the Clydesdale, and the Hackney horse breed together, so they could have the best of both, as well as Hackney pony, and Shetland pony, for the same reason, I had Labrador Retriever, Yorkshire Terrier, I did not mix their breeds with any other, my Father had those dogs ship in from Europe as well, my Siamese cats, were ship in from Europe as, with my up to, all of my animals had to be from Europe, for every thing to work as I want it, the animals, I was not keeping for breeding, the older dogs I would re train, and gave a way for free to Soldiers, who need an animal to help them out, after they are sent home, and no longer able to work as a Soldier, the least I could do, most of those dogs were thee ones I had save, two broken souls, who need the help, I thought that was perfect, after every thing they both went though, Soldier, and dog, I believe they need each other, after all my animals save my soul, and mine is broken at a very young age, so I under stand the lonely ness of these Soldier to well, the least I can do is give them a free Dog, after all I am Blue Fox Kennels, so I can.  
Another enjoyment, after all I have so few, was my morning ride on my horse, Aurora, name after the morning sun, Aurora was half Thoroughbred, and Hackney, Foxy the Thoroughbred was Aurora's Mother, and my Sister Christine, left for me to take care of my self, Foxy was one of the animals who need saving, my Sister Christine told me she left the horse with me, who else would she trust after all, Copper was my Fathers horse he was the Hackney, and Aurora's Father, my Father left his horse with me, to take care of while he was a way working, Copper like Foxy love, only two people, for some odd reason I was one of these people, Aurora only love me, my Sister Rachel, did not under stand why our Mother all ways said Aurora was her horse, the only person Aurora was nice to was me, Aurora would run a way from who ever my Mother, gave her a way to, come home again to me, not my Sister Rachel, me, this happen to much as well.  
So every morning, and evening ride, Aurora would come running to me, for her brush, and tack up, Aurora, loves this time with me as well, after our ride, I would un tack Aurora, brush her, and put her in bed for the night, in her stall, in the barn, feed, and water her, put all my dogs a way, feed, and water the Dogs once more, double check on all my animals, go in side, and cook dinner, my Mother, was normally out drinking, doing drugs, and being the best whore she can be, she drop out of High School because, she want to, no other reason, she want to drop out so she did, this is why my Family sees her as the Family embarrassment, due to the fact that she drop out, another thing I do not under stand about my own Mother, she did that to her self, my Grandparents move to Canada, so my Mother could finish School, not drop out at the age of Six-teen-years-old, this was some thing they did not want for my Mother, so while my Mother was being the best whore see could be, I had time with out her, this for me was a good thing.  
I had Daric Sage around to help me at least, he was the only Help my Father gotten me, Daric is a very good man, another one I miss, he move home once more, just after my Six-year-old, he was all done High School, and my Father paid for his Collage, that he had gotten in to, he had to move a way for Collage, I was starting Grade school, so I would not be needing Daric any more, I wish he could stay, my Mother's beating of me were less, with him there, after Daric left, my Mother's beating of me gotten worse.


	9. Chapter Eight

Just after my six-year-old birthday, which is in September, as all ways my family did nothing for my own birthday, my oldest half Sister Christine had come home with child, we have no clue who the father is, my Mother had a shit saying it was my Daddy, my Daddy was at work all the time, my Sister Christine came home with child, it took a bit even my very young self notice that cannot be how this happen, as every thing else my Mother had lied, my Daddy never had sex with my Sister Christine, I told my Mother, I would have seen that so I knew my Mother lying, and my Daddy, and my Sister Christine never had sex, my Mother beat me over that as well, my Mother threw her self in to a wall say my Daddy, had hit her, I had seen my Mother throw her self in to the wall, I told her, that as well, another beating from my Mother for that as well, this is why I never believe a word my own Mother says. Can you blame me?  
My Sister Christine had come home with child, had a huge party for her at Patrick McCaffrey, I do believe that is the spelling of his last name, he is friend's with my Mother, Patrick is a child rape as well, this is why I think my Mother, and Patrick were good friends, I hate Patrick.  
My Sister Christine gave birth to Justin, in April, and move back in to the home, she moved out of the home, leaving Justin behind, at the start of summer break, so at least I was able to take care of Justin my self, my Sister Christine taught me very little of child care, before she Justin behind, I was happy she left him with me, I was not so a lone now, one become two, I call my Daddy tell him, that my Sister Christine left Justin behind with me, my Daddy ask me if I was fine with being Justin's Mother from now on, I told him, yes to that, it is sad Justin is better off with me then my Sister Christine.  
I never left Justin, nore will I.


	10. Chapter Nine

The reason I hate Christmas is due to the fact that, every Christmas every year is the same nightmare for me, I go out in the cold, and snow, I was only four-years-old the first time, I had to walk through the woods with my older Brother Adrain, until we found a Pine tree, that was just the right size, I think if I was able to do it my self, I know my Brother Adrain would have made me do it a lone, as every thing else he made me do.  
I love my Brother Adrian, then I grow to hate him, I now know I just miss my Brother Adrian, I miss my Friend.  
My Mother would have beaten me, if I did not go with my Brother Adrian, to make sure he did not get hurt, I was not important, no one care if I get hurt, just my Brother Adrian, moments like that I really hate my Brother Adrian.  
After my Brother Adrian, and I would find the Pine tree, we carry the Pine tree all the way back home, my Brother Adrian would leave every thing else to me, I would take off my winter coat, and boots, in the Front hall, so my Mother would not beat me for that as well, carry the Pine tree to the Living room, clean up the mess, so my Mother would not beat me for that as well, start the fire in the Fire place, that was in the Living room, making as little mess as I could, so my Mother could not beat me for that too, I was happy for the Fire place, at least I was warm, I would make sure the Pine tree would stay up, in the Living room, add the Christmas lights, after getting them out as well, keeping every clean, so my Mother would not beat me, put on the Christmas tree decorations, I would do all of that so my Mother would not beat me.  
I all ways like decorating, one of the few things I look forward too, even though my Mother tells me, all the time how bad of a job I do, I been in the New paper for my work, not any other of my Family members, just me, my Mother tells me all the time the time, that my Brother Adrian does better then me, even though he never does any thing, if I tell my Mother that she beats me over that as well, my Mother tells me all the time I am a waste of money as well.  
I never let my Mother stop me from hiding behind my art, if nothing else I have that.  
After the Christmas Pine tree was all done, every thing put a way nice, and clean, I would take all the Christmas gift out after my Family was a sleep, none of the gift were ever for me, not one, ever, one of the Woman who live in Dunnville, was kind enough to pick every up for me, label who got what, I would pay her the amount of what she spent, thank her, tell her that was all she was need for, and she may go Home now, I would wrap the Christmas gifts for all of the Family, but nothing for me, my kind heart older Sister Rachel had gifts for her, ever though she ran a way from home, I do not hold that against her, I all ways put her gifts a side for her, my older half Sister Jennifer just vanish, and never visit, my Sister Jennifer is an all about her girl, my Mother talk about my Sister, as though she is a gift from God, Jennifer love her self to much to be that, I do not hate my Sister Jennifer, she never hurt me, she never was around either.  
After wrapping every Christmas for all the Family, none for my self, I clean up, so I did not get another beating from my Mother, I put all the gifts under the Christmas Pine tree, I check on the fire in the Living room's Fire place, make sure it is nice, and low, after all it is all most morning, so it would be silly of me to put out the fire, I walk the boots I had on early back, and forth, from the Living room Fire place to make sure it looks, as though Santa had been there him self.  
I go to bed for only two hours, I am use to it now, I have to get up make Breakfast, wake every one up, my Mother is screaming, the whole day about how hard her day is for her because, of us Children, how she wishes she never had any of us, my Mother gets dress goes to the barn has her weed, and then comes back in side, un dress her self, my Mother does not hit me, she would but, we have company coming over, this is my Mother's idea of hard, we eat our Breakfast I cook, open gifts, I remember there is none for me, not to say that to any one, so the beating for me is not worse, from my Mother after the company leaves, my Mother has a tone of Christmas gifts for her self, all the other Family, none for me.  
I clean up, telling my Family to get ready, for the company, wash the breakfast dishes all by my cook dinner, set every thing up for every one, for Christmas dinner, all by my self, eat with the Adult, clean up every my self after every one is gone, my Family is in bed, I cannot go to bed until every thing is clean, so my Mother does not beat me for that.  
New years eve is another Holiday I hate, I get every thing ready all by my self, so my Mother does not beat me, one big party later, those who were there could stay the night, I clean up all by my self, after the party, so I do not get a beating form my Mother.  
I put a way the Christmas decoration, put out the Pine tree in the wood pile, so it can be burn later when need, I make sure every thing is clean, so my Mother does not beat me, like every thing else I do it by my self.


	11. Chapter Ten

More points of my life that is hard to sit, and write down.  
I am having a hard time remember how old I was when this happened.  
I was doing my older Brother Adrian work, as all ways he would not do it, so I had to, or my Mother would tell me that it was my own work, and beat me her self for that as well.  
I was out side in the middle of winter, I walk out to far, over our ice cover pond, I hit the ice with the hammer, the ice broke under my feet, I fell through the ice, sitting on of bottom of our pond, wanting to die, maybe that reason was why I did that, in the end I just want to die, I heard freezing to death is like falling a sleep, sleep, better then my waken nightmare, I still have not woken form that nightmare, the voice in my head scream loudly at me, to get off my ass, and fight, I am a fighter so fight, I stood up, and crawled out of our pond over the ice, freezing cold, why did I just not let my self die there, I am not sure, I really want to die, I crawled over the ice cover pond, no gloves on my hands, I just kept going, I made a mad dash for our house, that was at least a good mile from our pond, I just ran, I open the front door to our house, as hard as I could, all I knew was that I should just run, so I ran in to the door, it slammed open, as I did so.  
My older Brother Adrian was in side, and was about to scream at me over my up to, he had stop mid scream, when he had seen me, and the fact I was cover in ice water, I closed the front door to our house, a sick habit beaten in to me by my Mother, by the time I was done closing, and locking the door to the front of our house, my Brother Adrian had gotten off his ass, to help, I thought he would leave me to do take care of my self, like every one else, I thought my Brother Adrian want me dead, like every one else does, I was wrong, he was trying to save me, not kill me, he carried me over to the fire place, in the Living room, the fire was all reading going, he strip me out of my wet clothing, in front of the fire, so I would stay warm, and not freeze, he wrapped a blanket around me, rubbing my arms, to help warm me up faster, telling the whole time, I would be fine, I still do not know why he was trying to keep me a live, his kind actions, made it hard to just let my self die, I really want to.  
I fell a sleep in my Brother Adrian's arms, it felt so safe.


	12. Chapter Elven

I do believe I was only around the age of eight-years-old when this happened, my use less older Brother Adrian, was suppose to feed his Pony Nicky, I went in to the barn to check on my Puppies, and the female Dog who had the Puppies, Nickie was very quit so I thought that odd, so I went to check on my Brother Adrian's Pony, only to find Nickie skin, and bones, my Brother Adrian had been saying he had been taking care of Nickie, yet by the looks of him had not look at his Pony once, and the world calls me a Monster, wrong one, I feed, and water Nickie my self, from that moment on I took care of Nickie, it was clear my Brother Adrian, was not going to take care of his own Pony, even though he was going to act as though he care about his Pony Nick.  
I knew if I told my Mother, she would beat me over that telling me, it was all my fault, and my Brother Adrian would never do as I said he did, so I knew that would be a waste of time so I did not tell.  
One less beating from my Mother to me.  
Un like my Brother Adrian I do like taking care of Animals so I never mind taking on another stay.


	13. Chapter Twelve

I was worried when I came home, and found out Justin had been taken while my older half Sister Kathrine had been watching him, my Sister Kathrine had told me Justin was taken by our oldest Sister Christin which made no sense at all why would my older Sister Christin do that, I learned later that my older Sister Christin had another Son Devon, I talk my Daddy out of pressing charges against my older Sister Christin, I was sure there was more to it, I just need to talk to my older Sister Christin, and find out what happened, my Daddy told me, that was fine with him.  
After talking with my older Sister Christin she thought she could take Justin back after she turn Eighteen-years-old, and that would be fine, I sat down, and told my older Sister Christin this is not how it works, my Daddy is piss, and is looking to charge her with Child Napping, she had given up Justin when he was a baby. Who told her she could just show up, and take Justin when she turn Eighteen?  
Whom told my older sister Christine, our mother, leave it to her to try to pull that, after all mother love to hurt people.  
I really do feel bad for my older Sister Christin I really do love to hate her, it is odd feeling, I knew she would listen to me as I do her, I ask my older Sister Christin if the life she could give her sons was the life she want to give them, if no then it was best to just let Justin, and Devon go, my Daddy was mad Justin was taken so my Daddy like me was fine with looking after both of her sons for her, my older Sister Christin gave up her sons, she knew I was right about that, I talk my Daddy in to letting my older Sister Christin visit her sons when ever she wants.  
And then there where two Justin, and Devon.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

I had a Summer Job working for a very sick in the head Man, his name was Milton, any one who work for him knows how sick he is, I was only Five-years-old, working at that age was against the Canadian law, yet the sick in the head Farmer Milton, thought he could use the fact that, I was to be paid in cash only, and my Daddy was working, as well as my young age, as a trade, the sick man Milton ask me to have sex with him, I knew the laws, and the fact he was brake a lot of them, I told Milton, if he touch me I would tell the Cops, and have Milton in jail, he would lose every thing, this is Canada after all, and his actions are against the law, he better pay me now, or I will tell the Cops, Milton paid me for my Summer long work.  
I told Milton, I would see him next Summer for work as well, or I would tell the Cops, this is how this goes.  
My half older Sister Kathrin, lied, and said she hates Milton, my Sister Kathrin was have sex with Milton, so she was lie about that as well, she is sick like that, I was not shock when I heard my Mother was having sex with Milton as well, after all, if my Mother thinks she can get more money, I know she will have sex with any one, my Mother is sick like that, after all my Mother left high school to be a whore, at the age of Sixteen-years-old, no other reason, she was not married until my Daddy, she was under age, and she could not marry, simple Math people.  
I work, I all ways have work, my Mother is every thing I do not want to be.  
My Mother would beat me over every little thing, she is sick like that, one of my reasons for having a job, and working, was so I could buy my own things, so my Mother could not burn what she gave me, when ever I did not cry over her beating me, she would burn what she had given me, my Mother is sick like that.  
Good new though, I was happy when Milton died, I thought to my self, one less evil person in the world, at least there is that.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

I was in School one of those rare moments I went, the Teachers were still passing me in each Grade, even though I rare went to School, I hate School, the Teachers, and Students, were all ways so mean to me, the Teachers bullied me, more then the Students did, sick they all were, I only had two Friends during Grade School, Elizabeth, and Rachel, the other Students where sick in the head, I helped keep the younger then me Students safe, from the older Students, after all the School Teachers where busy not doing there job, I made sure to beat up the Students off of School property, not on School property, off of, that way I would not get in to trouble from the School, I was smart like that, I hurt the other Students who beat up the younger Students only, bullies are sick in the head.  
One of those rare time I went I was having a hard time walking, my Teacher made me write on a piece of paper over, and over again, saying I would not lie about the pain I was in, while I sat out gym.  
At the end of School I spoke with the Lady who work at the front desk, the only nice one there, she told me she would call home for me because, I was in to much pain, I thank her for her kind ness, the only kind one there, thank you so much.  
She told my Mother that I should go to the Hospital, I am never like this, she told my Mother if she did not take me to the Hospital, she would have my Mother charge with Child Abuse, the only one who care, save my life that day, again, thank you.  
I know my Mother was piss at me for the kind Lady taking my side, she all ways hate that the most.  
I was at the Hospital, the Nurse was taken a side by my Mother, then was acting as though I did this to my self, not this time, I did not try to kill my self this time, even though I want to die very much, the Doctor enter the room look at me, and gave the Nurse shit for not looking over me properly, the Doctor told the Nurse that I was dying, and it only took him one glance at me to see that, ask the Nurse what her problem was, I never saw her again, after the Doctor told her off, I do believe she had been fire from that job for her actions towards me, the Doctor was very mad at the Nurse, he told another Man to hold me down, while he got a needle, he talk to me while he work, letting me know what he was going to do, he took fluid out of my leg, so he could have it test at the lab, to see if he was right about what was killing me, he gave me another needle knocking me out, I woke up three days latter.  
My Mothers Friends had shown up to see my Mother, not me, they are as sick in the head as my own Mother is, my Brother Adrian had snuck in to the Hospital to see me, thank you, I need that, my Friend Elizabeth had made her own Mother drive her there, so she could see her self to make sure I was fine, she really was a good Friend, the Teacher who made me write lines, had come to visit me in the Hospital, with the letter the class had been force to make for me, the Teacher had look around the Hospital not under standing why it was empty, silly no one loves me, other then my Daddy, my Daddy loves me, I held up the Teddy, and the Book my Daddy left for me, while I slept, my Daddy had work so he could pay for my T.V. the one thing that was not covered, thank you my Daddy, I love you as well, I told the Teacher thank you, for the card, and he left not under standing how my Family was so mean to me, After that the Teacher was nicer to me.  
My Grand Father came to see me him self, taking time off of work, he had wait until I was a wake again, so we could sit, and talk as we normally would, gave me twenty Dollars, told me not to tell any one, that money was just for me, no one else, gave me a kiss on my forehead, told me he had to go back to work once more, I thank my Grand Father for the visit, he has an odd way of showing he cares, I spent the money on just me, I love too Grand Father.  
I was in the large Hospital Visiting room watching T.V. as normally I hate the small Hospital room, even though it was large as every one else saw it, I felt close in, and was scare that my older Sister Kathrine might show up to hurt me while I was in there, the Nurse who was now in charge of taking care of me, told me she had been worried about me when she check my Hospital room, and I was not there, she was happy she finally found me, ask me if I was fine watching T.V. while she had me there on my I.V. I told her that was fine, she told me to just please wait she would get the I.V. ready, so I could be in here, I thank her, she had it hook up, and ready for me, the Nurse told me, I was stronger then most Adults, I was not as my Mother told the Nurse I was, she could not get over how I did things all by my self, I got in, and out of my Hospital bed, in to my Wheel Chair, with no help, and then back in, I was just a child, and yet, I had more strength then most she ever knew, the Nurse look at the cross around my neck, I told the Nurse even though God got rid of me, I could not seem to do the same to God, the Nurse told me I was all the proof she need that there was a God, and he was had to be there for me, she told me she had other stuff to do, and she would be back to help me, when the I.V. was all done, I told her that was fine, I would watch T.V. here in the Hospital Visiting room, she thank me, then left the room.  
I call my Father, and thank me for my Teddy Bear, and the Book he had given me, I love both gifts very much, which was true, my Daddy all ways knew what to get me, my Daddy ask me where my Mother was, I told my Daddy not at the Hospital, I had not seen my Mother in weeks after she drop me off, said hello to her Friends, and walk out of the Hospital room, that was the last time I seen her, my Daddy told me my Mother told him she was staying at the Hospital with me, I told my Daddy, my Mother lied too my Daddy, and she had not been there in weeks, as I told my Daddy before, my Daddy was piss at my Mother for that, we said nothing else for the rest of the hour long Phone call, my Daddy told me he had to go back to work now, I thank my Daddy for his time, we both hung up the Phone, I felt better knowing my Daddy love me.  
When the Doctor told me I could go home once more, my Mother finally show up again, to take me home, my Mother told me she had better things to do with her time then spend it with me in the Hospital, my Mother was piss at me again, I was able to walk again, so as all ways my Mother did not help me, my Mother never help me, I told my Mother she was piss because she was found out by Daddy yell at by Daddy, I am not to blame, that fault is not mine, my Mother was to blame, all though I was sure she was going to beat me, as though her not being a good Mother was all my fault, my Mother is sick in the head.  
My Mother did as she does, my Mother beat me, she really sick like that.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

It had been dark out, and raining, the spring rains had come in, so I was having a hard time seeing out side, my Mother beaten me, because I told her the Horse were still out side she was piss at me for no reason at all, my Mother told me if I would just put the Horses a way as I am suppose to then I would not be in trouble, I told my Mother that was hard to do seeing how it was both dark out side, and raining, so it was hard to see, that the Horses would be fine out side in the field, they would not leave the property in this weather, she hit me hard a cross my mouth, tossed me out side in to the storm, scream at me now.  
I walk to the end of the field calling for my Horse Aurora, hoping she would hear me in the spring storm, she finally came to me after hearing me, and help me bring up all of the horse back to the barn, I was cold, wet, from the spring rains, swore from the beating my Mother had given me, and being tossed out side by her, I was able to get my Horse Aurora, in to her stall, because I had train her to do that as well, I dried my Horse off, made sure the Horses were all fine for the night, I rather stay out side in the barn then go back in to that Hell, I call a Home, I knew if I did not go I would get another beating for that, so I made my self go back in side.  
I was wet, and cold, I took off my clothing in the Front Hall, so my Mother would not beat me for that.  
I stood in front of the fire warming my self up again.  
I knew it would be another night with out sleep, I was sadly use to that as well.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

To this day I swear I can still feel my Mother hand around my throat as she try to kill me, how I want to die, I was mad at my older Brother Adrian for saving me.  
My Mother told me she never love me, I ask her, why she had me if she never love me? My Mother told me to do all the work for her.  
That summer that year my older Sister Rachel had come home once more with her two babies, Hannah, and Xavier, I spent that summer watching Hannah, and Xavier, for my older Sister Rachel, she had to work, I told my older sister Rachel not to pay me I would watch her Babies for free, I never ask to be pay not once, why would I?  
Another day of keeping every thing perfect, my Mother kick me out of my home, I was only just starting High School, it was just September of that year, I still have no idea why? The Cops, and Children Aid had shown up, my Mother told them if they want me they can have me, she told me it was all my fault, as she push me a way from her, I was shock as I wounder what I did so wrong for her to do that to me? Why me?  
I got in to Lisa car, she had just got there, with my older Brother Daneel, Lisa had just pick him up from High School, bring him home once more, I walk past the Cop car, and the Children Aid worker car, and got in to Lisa car, sitting perfect, scar that my Mother would beat me for that as well, I put my seat belt on, and sat perfect, scar, waiting for Lisa to get back in to her car, I was to scar to go any where else, I told my older Brother Daneel, he did not need to go with me, he told me yes I do, I was scar my Mother would beat me for that as well.  
After Lisa had gotten back in to the car, and drove us back to her home, I thank Lisa for the lift, I got out of the car scar of every thing, Lisa told me that it was fine, I fallow Lisa in side her home, I knew Lisa because, her Children where friends with Justin, and Doven, she had told me my Mother was going to drop off my clothing for me, she had Drop off my clothing, pick up my older Brother Daneel, leaving me behind, I sleep on Lisa couch, to scar to sleep any where else.  
The next School day, I went to School, I was to scar not to go to School, I was call to the High School office, and ask by the Children Aid worker where I want to go, I told her, if it was short term then I would stay with Lisa, the Children Aid work told me it was long term, she was sorry my Mother told her, I cannot go back again, Muriel I told her then.  
I was told count less times how much my Family hates me, every one hates me, no one would ever want me, my Mother told me this all the time.  
The world hates me.  
I was hoping a random Friend Muriel would be nice, and let me stay there.  
I told by the Children Aid worker, I had to tell her every thing that had happen to me, I barely got out a nod of my head, I will see you then, the Children Aid worker told me.  
When I gave my statement, my Daddy was kind enough to be there, making this easier on me, I nod, and talk to my feet, to scar to talk to the Cop who was there, the Children Aid work, and the Lawyer, I told every one there every thing my Mother did to me, and only my Mother, I told them if any charges where going to be press I just want it do against my Mother no one else just her.  
My Mother drop off my no good for her money now self puppy, after all she could not make money from my one puppy which is why she dropped off my one dog for me, no other reason, she took back the clothing she drop off leaving me with out any thing but, the clothing I had on, she is sick like that,  
Lisa drove me to Muriel home, where I could stay.  
Muriel ask me what I brought with me, I told her the clothing on my back, and my puppy, my Mother took every thing else back, so it was all I had nothing else.  
I said good bye to Lisa, before she drove home, thank her for the lift, and watch as she left, it was an odd feeling saying good bye to my past.  
My Mother had sent me all of my ruin no good clothing because, she had been told to send me my clothing, she knew it was all ruin, when she sent me my clothing which is why she sent me the clothing no other reason.  
My Mother is sick like that.  
Muriel toss the clothing in the garbage because, it was no good for any thing, cut up as it had been, Muriel, and I just went shopping for new clothing for me.  
I had hear my Mother who never did any thing because, I did it all had to now do it her self, my older Brother Adrian, never did any thing every, so between the two of them, it was a question of who knew less, the Dog Kennel was not run by me any more so my Mother was not able to use the dogs any more for her money now self, the Horse where sold to pay off my Mother bills, she did not even know any thing about paying bills, so she lost every thing.  
I thought to my self, about time, she kick out the wrong Child, me.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

I had started a new High School in Hamilton, I was given test to see where I stood in the School Grade System, I only got one question wrong, answer that question, I do believe to this day I am the only Person to score so well, I made a deal with one of the Male Counselor, if I could keep my grades up in the eighties then I could stay in the course I want to be in, I told the Male Counselor my own Mother had me in the Special Ed, Class, I did not need them, he told me he could see that from the test I took for him self, even though I did not take Science Class in Grade School, my Grade School Teachers never felt the need to do their own job, I still kept the deal with the Male Counselor, and kept my High School grade in the eighties, I got out of French Class in High School, because the French Teacher he was the worst Teacher ever, I took a different Class instead Keyboard Class, I learn the Basic about Computers, some thing else I should have all ready know, I was in a Class in Dunnville the Teachers in Hamilton had never heard of, my Mother Debra Hartery, had me in a class I never want to take, Woman, and Society, which is a Class where woman learn how they should act, I never want to take that class that was all my Mother, my High School Grade Nine Class went as such, Science Keyboard History English Math Physical Ed Art Music.  
It is a good thing I spent most of my time a lone, during my youth, the sad truth was that would not change, nothing for my Birthday, the only Christmas Gifts I had were from Muriel's own Family no one else, I was never ask out for Holidays, most of those days I did not even know about, Valentine Day was new to me, no one ask me to the School Dances, after the Grade Eight Graduation, I choose never to take me ever again, I was not going to pay all that money my self, for some random jerk I did not even know to ruin the should be a good time for me, never again, so I did not go to another Dance again.  
I still to this day miss my own Friend Elizabeth, the only Person who talk to me in Kindergarten, unlit the end of Grade, the last time I ever saw her was a month in to Dunnville High School, just before I left for Hamilton High, I was leaving because my Mother kick me out, and I had no where else to go, I want my only Friend to know I was leaving, and it had nothing to do with her, I thought I owe Elizabeth that much.  
And then began a whole new Hell for me High School.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

I had start High School in Hamilton with a lie, I told every one who ask that I was living with my Aunt, and Uncle, after my hell of my youth I just want to start new, be a Teenager like ever y one else, not hate like I grew up being, so I thought why not be some one new some one who is love, so I made a new Deedra Hartery, saying good bye to the older Deedra Hartery.  
I was laughing with a group of Girls, when one of the Girls Katie, lean towards me, she had ask me if I saw the hot guy walking toward us, that is Noel Handley, Katie informed me, she whisper to me next that she all ways like him.  
He was just around Six feet tall, beautiful deep brown eyes, well kept short brown, a bad boy smile, I see why all the Girls thought he was sexy, he had just enough weight to him, he clearly work out, and not to much just enough, to have a nice tone to his body.  
My future Bane was walking right toward me.   
Even that Noel did far to well.  
Noel sat down beside me, said Hi to me, Noel’s voice was just starting to go deep, I grunt, very un cool of me, well done stupid me, Katie lean over me, and says Hi to Noel, Noel waves back at Katie, I simply watch my feet, wanting the ground to eat me, please, and thank you, any whole right then for me would do.  
At first I thought Noel sat next to me because, I was siting next to Katie, they where clearly Friends, then I sat giving enough room between my self, and Katie, the next lunch, I was drag in to, Noel sat on the same side as he did the last time he sat next, to me, he said Hi to me, his bad boy smile on his lips , I did not say any thing back clearly watching my feet, hoping he would take the hint.  
Noel did not take the hint, he kept sitting next to me every lunch time, talking to me until I finally start to talk back to him, I had no clue why some so perfect like Noel was all ways sitting next to me, I tried hiding in a different hall way, that did not help Noel just found me, took his spot next to me, making jokes at me about how I rather read, I told him to take the hint, Noel just would laugh, and tell me at least I was still talking to him, I went back to were the large mix group of Boys, and Girls hung out next to the gym, in side of chose, Noel fallow me sitting next to me, I just talk with every one else, he would all ways add to what I was talking about.  
I was told Noel had a Girlfriend, so I did not get why he was not giving his Girlfriend a hard time. Why me?  
I was ask out by Adam Baker, a few months in to Grade Nine, Noel gave Adam a look that could have murder, and not close to nicely either, Noel had a Girlfriend, I just did not get why Noel was acting like.  
Some how Noel got a hold of my ICQ information, and after High School was out Noel would get a hold of me, messaging me every time, with Hi stranger long time, no see.  
Noel had to much time on his hands for some one with a Girlfriend, I just did not get him.  
The voice in my head was no help at all, the jerk of a voice was spending most time laughing in my head.  
Damn Noel, I all ready am.


	20. Chapter Nineteen

One of my most muss up Dream, and I have had pretty mess up Dreams.  
The Dream goes like this.  
I walk in to an Office Building, the Front Mains Doors change as I walk in, in to a Elevator, going as all ways down, I get to ask to help by the face less Man who I can remember, but cannot really re call, I am told not ask there is a difference, jerks, that I need to find stones before those who are evil do, the stones could ruin the Word as I know, so I need to find them first, he tells this time I will have help so I will find the stones in time.  
The Elevator Doors open to out side, as those we had not even been going down the whole time, I am now use to that as well, it is sunny, and a very nice day out, hard to believe moments ago I was going down to Hell, I am piss off, can you blame me.  
My Friends wave there arms at me to get my action, Rachel form Grade School, Heather, Holly, Sherry, Lisa, the only guy there oddly enough was Noel, all of the rest I met in High School, Noel smile that bad boy smile at me, telling not to worry he is sure all of us together we can get all of the stones in time, my Grade School Friend Rachel tells me the best part is we get to take a Train together part way to ware we are going.  
Rachel takes my arm dragging to a car that appaired out of no were, on a road the that jut was there as well, one moment we were in a sunny park the next we were on a side city street, just Rachel, and I no one else, Rachel, and I got in to the car witch had a drive, who drove us to the Train Station, Rachel talk about random thing the whole drive.  
It seem to feel all wrong, more so then normal.  
We get out of the Car after the car stops, get on to the Trian, take our seats across from each other, and Rachel is still talking about random things still, she tells me it is her stop, and she cannot wait to see me again, I tell her the same thing.  
I ride the Trian all a lone, feeling that feeling once more that some thing is very wrong, I get to my stop get off the Train, a walk to where the stone is, and looking around expecting at least some thing, oddly nothing gets between the stone, and I, I take the stone from where it is resting, a breathing taking blue stone, I place it in my Coat pocket, thank full it was going so well, I walk back to the Train get on, feeling very happy, as I sit the Train ride by my self, I think Rachel must have gotten a different Train, back to where we are going, and this is what must of happened, I simply enjoy the ride back feel wounder full, I get off the Train make sure the blue stone is it should still be, the blue stone is where I put it, every thing was going as it should, I walk to the meeting spot.  
Noel waves at me after getting out of a Car, I wave back, a Boy I never met before steps out of the driver side of the Car.  
I look over him, getting that oh fuck no feeling back in full, I cannot even seem to breath, he has short dirty blond, blue eyes, glass, at least Six-feet tall, the kind of build that go that goes with some one who lives on the computer, he has a Gun in his hand, I glance at Noel piss, Noel looks at me for a moment as though he is sad about all of this  
Where are my Friends? I ask the un know Guy, all of your real Friends dead, the un know Guy says to me, now I am very piss off, the un know Guy tells me, thank you for getting the stones for us by the way, you were nice, and did our job for us, now, the un know Guy wave his hand at me, shoot her, and take the stone, we are all done here, the un know Guy turns to as he gives Noel his order, the un know Guy gets in to the Car after he is done speaking.  
Noel shoots me in my heart, I fly back hitting the ground hard on my gut, holding the blue stone in my hand, Noel makes me open my hand, taking the blue stone from me, his carrying brown eyes look at me as though I mean nothing to Noel any more, I give him my best piss off you are now dead look, Noel stands to his full height, turns, and walk back the Car, getting in to the passenger side, the Car drives off, leaving me to bleed out.  
I scream as load as I could, crawl after the Car as it drives a way, with Noel, and the un know Guy.  
Then I wake up, looking over my chest, I could have sworn I been really shot, it hurt that much, that hard to breath, yet I found nothing on my chest.  
The following High School day, I met the un know Guy Rich Penny, for the very first time in person.  
All kinds of fuck I know.


	21. Chapter Twenty

I found it odd when I found my Friend Katy in the Upper Floor Hall Way, near where my Class was just before lunch which I was now on, Katy, and I had the same lunch Break, so we took it together, I would meet Katy next to the in side Gym doors where we normally had lunch, poor Katy look as though she was moments from tears, I found this odd as well the Katy I knew never cried, un like my friend Elizabeth who cries over every little thing, I stopped leaned against the wall crossed my arms, and ask her, who I was taking the bat to? That at least made Katy laugh a little, she just shock her head at me telling me, she does not know why no one wants her at any of their own parties. I told Katy, that is a long beat down list, next time just give me names makes easier for me.  
More need laughter between Katy, and I.  
I explained to Katy what I do, I am not invited either I just show up at the party they tell me about, that they tell me about just so I know about the party, in hopes of hurting my feelings, I show up at the party all the same, making sure to have fun all the same, that is what they get for telling me about their party, if Katy wants to be my party chaser Friend then all the better, Katy, and I can have fun together problem solve.  
Katy began to be my party chaser Friend, and it was as I told her a lot of fun.  
Katy, and I where having loud fun at one of Sherry’s parties, when a very drunk Sherry took Noel Handly up stars, and had very loud sex with Noel, we all heard, that was low for Sherry, Sherry knew how Katy felt for Noel, she only did that to hurt Katy.  
I rubbed Katy back as she began to cry, I cannot say I blame the poor girl, I would have cried as well.  
I told Katy, that I heard the girls plan to hurt Noel, I did not think Sherry was in on the hurt Noel plan guess Sherry wants to hurt Noel as well, and Katy both.  
Katy, and I agreed if Noel wants Sherry, a whore, and loud sex then may he have her, Katy, and I choose not to be fake Friend with Sherry after she did that with Noel, we had other parties to go to, with other fake Friends.  
That really was low of Sherry to have sex as she did with Noel with all of in her Home, hearing her action, just to hurt Katy.  
Who does that?


	22. Chapter Twenty One

After Adam Baker had asked me date him at the start of High School, I was so happy I thought I was so lucky to have some one like him, all the girls who ask me if it was true that Adam, and I were dating was true would agree how lucky I was to have him.  
Adam, and I had a lot of fun together, when we went out on dates Adam bought me a cute bracelet, with a small heart lock on it.  
I told Adam, why I was on the pill, because I was my monthly for two weeks, then back to one with out then two my monthly, I was on the pill because the Doctor was trying to save me no other reason, I was not having sex with any one.  
Adam told me, he spent a night in jail for trespassing, no other reason, ever thing ever one else was saying happened did not.  
Adam thought he trade me a truth for a truth.  
It was a shock to me when Adam left me for one of the High School whores, if Adam rather be with a whore, all because I did not want to have sex him, then may Adam, and his STDs be forever happy.  
Noel Handly had called me over my cell phone, asked me, if I was all right, he heard about what Adam did to me, that he thought that was low of him.  
I still have no idea how Noel got my cell number, I just got my cell phone damn Noel.  
I swear I could see Noel’s bad boy smile of his as he talk to me over my cell phone.


	23. Chapter Twenty Two

Now as for Noel I met his Mother she was a sweetie heart, I all so met his Step Father, Noel told me, his Father was living in the US at that moment, as well he did not like his Father he only saw him because, his Mother thought it was best for Noel to see his real Father so he did, no other reason, I met all the important people in Noel’s life, I never met his real Father, I am guessing that says a lot, Noel trust me with his up to I know every thing.  
Noel would tell me Noel, and I were only Friends, he would get up set though if I show any attention to any other guy, either were not dating Noel, or you can act like a jealous Boy Friend, you cannot have it both ways, if I was not dating Noel then I should be able to date other Guys, he was so confusing.  
Truth I love Noel, I love the fact I know every thing about his life, I love the fact he would ask me to hang out with him, and his Friends, I was ask to met his Family, I was important, me he would get a hold of me after he was Home again, every time he had to end are plans due to bad weather, so I knew he was Home safe, I was Noel’s first, I was so scare to be with him, I thought to my self I was not even Dating Noel. Why am I going there with him why Noel? That night meant so much to me, he so soft when having sex with me, he gave me his Gloves as a gift we were suppose to get me new Gloves, we both forgot to go shopping after we got to Noel’s Home, we forgot about that after our share moment in the dark, I love to lie to my self telling my self that was my first time, not the rape I went though as a little Girl, that moment in the dark with my Best Friend Noel, after he gave me his Gloves so I would not get in trouble, he got a hold of me after he was Home again, I told him to go to sleep we had School in the morning, Noel told me that first he had to say night to his Best Friend, he want me to know I still meant every thing to him, he was not going to just leave, I thank him for that, I love the fact, as for School he would let me do my own thing, well doing his own, he put up with my moods wounder fully more things to love about Noel.  
Heather had a fit telling me I should get rid of the Gloves Noel gave me, I took the Gloves every where with me, I did not tell Heather Noel gave me his Gloves, she told me I was not his Girl Friend we never even Date what was I thinking, I was thinking he gave me his Gloves no one else.  
The voice in my head was fine with Noel, and I spending time together, and the voice hates every one, one the few the voice is fine with, if the voice was fine with Noel then I was fine with him.  
Noel did not tell any one about are stolen moment, that as well was between us, I love that the most.  
I am in love with Noel.


	24. Chapter Twenty Three

The Foster Bitch Muriel was fine towards me then she to became mean to me as well.  
At first Muriel got mad at me for talking to much then she would get mad at me for not talking to her at all.  
Muriel told me all the time I was a waste of her own Money, so I got a Job for the City of Hamilton, started to buy my own things, she was now getting less money for Foster Care she hate that as well.  
Muriel had told me she wish she had a Human to talk to her every morning.  
Muriel got mad at me for not giving her more dirt on my own Mother.  
Muriel only try to hit me once, she grabbed me by my chin lift her hand as though she was going to hit it, I told Muriel, I got my own Mother in trouble with Child abuse I will do the same with her, she put down her hand never tried to hit me again.  
One New Years I told Muriel, I want to invite a Friend over Malisa, she told me, that was fine with her, she kept getting mad at me over nothing, point out she was being nice to me by letting my Friend come over, after a while I told her, fine she wins, she had a sick smile on her face, I did not go with her that New Years Night, I stay Home, she did not make any money for that night either off of me.  
Sick Bitch.  
After I turned Eighteen-years-old Muriel told me, I had to pay her Five Hundred Dollars ever month for the bed in the room, I was pay for my own food at High School, so I told her, to stop her whine at me for some thing she does not pay for ever, she was acting as though me paying her Rent was doing me a favour.  
Muriel got her self a Computer, told me, I was not allowed to use it, I went out got my self a far better Computer then she had, a Lap Top as well, I bought my own stuff with my own Money, I told her, I had a Job so I could buy my own things that was fine with me.  
Muriel had stop pay me the Ten Dollars a month, telling me, I was no longer getting Money because I was no longer cleaning up after her as I was suppose to, I told her, I had a Job now I did not need her Ten Dollars every month, she got less money for that as well.


	25. Chapter Twenty Four

My High School Birthdays would go as such, Lisa would ask me what day my Birthday was, I would tell her, she would tell me this year she would do some thing for me, Lisa did nothing for me, I just remind my self that Lisa is nothing, and has nothing, for all her hurt full actions she did during High School, it got her no where, I tell my self this all the time, I had a real job, Lisa works Min Wage still HA, that what you get Lisa, may you be as un happy as you make every one else.  
My Birthday at Home was no better, the Foster Bitch Muriel would act as though she forgot my Birthday saying nothing, I would go to High School where no one did nothing for me either, go Home once more, the Foster Bitch Muriel would laugh at me asking me, if I thought she really forgot, she would wish me a Happy Birthday, give me a Birthday gift I did not even want, get piss off at me for my in correct re action, she did that a lot, she is sick like that.  
I had a Sixteen Birthday for my self, yes I had one for me, a first, and last, I told every one at High School, they may come to the Hall where I was having my Birthday Party, I had no clue why Lisa was there, only five People show up, my older Sister Rachel show up, I was so happy to see her there, she had a gift from her self, and my Daddy, my Daddy had paid half on a Disney Eeyore Coat, I still have it, thank you much.  
I never had another Party for my self what is the point.


	26. Chapter Twenty Five

My High School Friend Tyler was all ways changing the colour of his hair, and great for a joke, he was a great Friend, he used to flirt with me a lot every one thought we were together, after Adam broke up with me, he gave me a very nice blue, and white Tea Lite Candle holder, for Christmas, it was very beautiful, I love it very much, Tyler asked me, out on a date, it was prefect as well, Tyler told me, that he heard Noel stood me up again for Lisa Marten, Noel was busy chasing after a whore her name was Lisa Marten, Tyler want to know if he may take me to see the Movie Fast, and the Furious Two, he heard as well I want to go to see that movie, I told Tyler, that would be very kind of him, un like Noel, Tyler show up, the date went like this.  
Tyler picked me up at my Foster Home, at 5:00 pm, we got Burgers, Milk Shakes, played pool, he had bought the movie tickets a head of time so we would be able to see the movie on time, when to see the movie, when to get coffee at Tim Horton's, just talk, it was all very sweat of Tyler, I really did have a lot of fun, his Friend Dan called Tyler, I like Dan I thought he was a cool guy, Tyler told me, some thing came up Dan need to go to back to his place, he need some one to talk to, I told Tyler, that was fine by me, after all I thought every thing must be going fine between Tyler, and I, I know Tyler, and Dan were good Friend’s like Noel, and I, yes Noel, and I are very good Friends, we went back to Tyler’s Home, waited for his Friend Dan, we talked for a little longer, then Tyler drove me back to my Foster Home, it was a very nice evening.  
I asked Candice, about what she thought about the date, she told me, she thought the date went well as well, I was very happy at the idea of Tyler, and I dating  
I am guessing Tyler did not, he just stopped having any thing to do with me, I did not see him around High School as I had been, he stopped answering my phone calls as well, I no longer spoke with him over ICQ, or any other online Messenger, Zack told me, that Tyler was with Raven, I thought shit another good guy with a different whore, Raven was a whore as well I heard Raven was having sex with more then one guy well in High School at once, she started to do drugs, was now failing High School, I do not get why the guys rather chase these whore girls, they are cheap, and every where, I had a plain to finish High School first, I could not do that if I was fucking all these different guys at once, I was only having sex with Noel, he used a Condom every time, I was on Birth Control, Noel, and I agreed we had better things to do first, we would wait until after High School, I all ways love that thought.  
Noel asked me, if I was all right? He Message me over ICQ, I asked him, why did he even ask me after all he does not care about me? Noel told me, we are still Friends.  
Noel told me, that guys ask other guy Friends to show up if they do not like how the date is going, want a way out of the date, so Tyler was being a Jerk, not telling me that him self.  
I never gone on another date after what Tyler did to me, that to much, what the point.  
At least Noel is just an Asshole to me, I rather have him around as he is then another one like Tyler, Noel asked me, what happened between Tyler, and I, I told Noel, no clue, I have not heard from Tyler since.  
I really love Noel to much, even though Noel love his whore. Why do not you love me to, why do I still care, why do you not care for me Noel?  
Why do not you just let me go Noel?  
And these Foolish Games are breaking my heart.


	27. Chapter Twenty Six

To Every One who tells me all the time to kill my self all ready.  
I try to kill my self before.  
Cut my own Wrist hoping to bleed out.  
I mixed drugs hoping to Over Dose my self.  
I try to kill my self when I was no more then Ten-Years-Old.  
I hate the fact I am a live more then any of you ever will.  
I hate me more then any one else hate me.  
I really wish I was dead.  
I am no good at killing my self, I been trying for years.  
Worry not one day I will be dead, then every one can be happy.


	28. Chapter Twenty Seven

I was not ask out to my High School Graduation.  
I never even went to my High School Graduation.  
Why would I spend a lot of money my self for my night out to get ruin.  
When I can just have that done to me for free.


	29. Chapter Twenty Eight

My High School Friends were, Andrew Smith/Smitty, Stephen Bryce/Bryce, Steve Spring/Spring, Zack Martin/Zack, Walter/Walt, Ian just Ian, I argue a lot with Ian, so I am not sure if I could really see him as a High School Friend, the reason I see these Guys as my High School Friends, and no more, is due to the fact, after High School was over sadly so was our Friendship.  
I never like Richard Penny/Rich, I was only nice to him because he is Friends with Noel, Noel all ways invited Rich every where Noel, and I went, Noel was scared to be a lone with me, Noel thought that would stop him from having sex with me again.  
I only flirt with Rich to piss Noel off, it works perfectly, I remind Noel, he does not want me he told him self he does not love me as I love him, he cannot act as he does with me I am not his.  
Spring told me, about Noel's forever Love, his whore, the one he end up marry to, I asked Noel, if he was with that whore, Noel told me, he is with her, he is sorry for not telling me him self.  
I tell Noel, to take me my Foster Bitches Muriel's place.  
Noel had been acting as though he never made plans with me, never kept our plans to make his forever Whore Love happy.  
I spend months not taking Noel's calls, or letters from him, I was able to due to the fact, Noel is done High School in Collage, I still had a year of High School left, I thought maybe if I finally answer Noel's Phone Calls to me, he would stop calling me if I told him to just stop leave me a lone, he left me a lone for a month before calling me once more.  
Noel married his forever Whore.  
I really thought he was going to ask me to marry him, yet he never did, I am so up set, and hurt, over Noel marring his Whore, I know she is having sex with other Guys, they tell me, how easy Noel's Whore of a Wife is, they know she is marry to Noel, it makes it easier to have sex with the Noel's Whore, Noel's Whore beats him like up screaming at him he is cheating on her, when she is the one who is cheating, Noel never did cheat on his Whore of a Wife, Noel believes she is not cheating on him, after all she gets so mad at him over the thought of him cheating. Why would Noel's Whore be cheating on him?  
Noel does not listen to me every time I tell him Noel's Whore of a Wife is cheating on him, he should just leave her all ready, most of all if he does not like her beating him all the time, she will just get worse towards Noel, it never gets better.  
I stop talking with Noel, I tell him, if he is going to make it work with his Whore of a Wife, then I am done trying to get him to listen to me about her, he told me, he was, I told my Every Thing, Goodbye.  
I mix a full bottle of Pain Pills with Beer, Noel told me, he was going to work it out with Noel's Whore of a Wife, I try to kill my self once more, it been Five Years since I last try to kill my self, Noel leaving me made me try again.  
I was sick after I pass out, I woke up cover in my own vomit, maybe the next time I try will work.


End file.
